SHUUUUUUUSH! Its the Secret Diary of a Student Bum!
Hello my name is Carrot and I am a student bum.
I've been a student bum ever since I can remember, approximately since September 2002. Although I can't be sure as the excessive alcohol consumption which comes with the responsibility of being a student has addled my already confused mind and fragile mental state.
I'm studying for a degree in Medical Biochemistry ( evidence of an unhinged mind if ever there was any!) and am going into my second year in September. Before then and Now though I have 3 months off and very little to do....which is not all that different to term time really except that instead of doing not very much at university, i'm doing very little at home instead and under closer scrutiny from elders.
As a wise man once said ( Spiderman) with great power comes great responsibility....as I have no responsibilites, I have no power at all. Therefore, inorder to obtain a little bit of power I've decided to bradcast my life as a student bum.
Feel free to use the tag board below to comment on the content of the blog so I can see what kind of people are reading it. Enjoy!
Above is a delightful calendar charting the archives of this blog. Its an insight into another time...when old people could wander the streets without fear from attack and tomatoes tasted like they are supposed to. I f you like what I wrote today its highly likely you'll like what I wrote yesterday so have a gander! WATCH OUT WE ARE LINKING BANDITS!
Long time ago......I did this totally ace website that no-one has bothered to look at. Any way its a piece of world wide web wonderment and I recommend you web fiends read it. Its called
An insight into a time when this bum was a little bit more motivated!
www.lowculture.co.uk A bit like a support group for all you people who claim that your favourite social commentator of all time is Aldous Huxley when really its Boyd Hilton.
www.popjustice.co.uk Because there are bad people in the world who won't let some pop groups get beyond the difficult second single, let alone the difficult second album.
www.theripple.co.uk The University of Leicester Newspapers official site. I've had a couple of articels published on here. Type in Donnelly into the search bit and voila! Journalistic ineptitude at your finger tips!
Mosh Nightclub A favourite haunt of this bum. The drink is cheap, the music loud and the queue for the toilets is non-existant. Incidently this is the same criteria I used for choosing which university to go to originally
Thanks to this little slice of pop perfection its party time all the time in the studentbum house! With no song longer than four minutes its perfect for those, like myself with the attention span of clobbered to death goldfish!
Last year I an unearthed a long forgotten time of day in this Bums life, breakfast time and with it the marvel that is Weeto's. See the genius of this product is that not only do they turn the milk chocolatey, but they also have a hole in the middle that contains no fat, so really they are actually pretty good for you!
Its been a cold, lonely summer a wise man once sang (Jason Donovan, I salute you) and he was certainly right about the weather but since I bought the Spaced series one and two DVD boxset its been alot less lonely. I'd like to say thats because all my hip, young and cool London chums have been coming round to watch it with me but that would be a lie. Basically I put it on and pretend they're my friends.....well all them except Brian.
Hmmmm, I'm having a bit of a Manics renaisance at the moment and I've just remebered how much I fancied this smurf like character. Its funny what a couple of listens to jaunty little numbers like " Archives of Pain", "Despair to Where?" and the upbeat "Of Walking Abortion" can do to a girl. Swooooon!
As of the 1st of June I completed my last ever piece of University assessed work and had my last exam. Effectively as soon as Dr. Grubb (SWOOON!) told us all in the exam hall to put down our pens and stop writing my student life came to an end and so to does this website, it is afterall about being a studentbum but now that part of my life is over I can't really keep this website up and running.
I suppose if I wanted to do I could carry on updating it until I reached graduation but that feels like I'd just be putting off saying goodbye and because I'm really rubbish at goodbyes I've actually decided to set up a new blog about my post-student life and that can be found at www.geekpie.blogdrive.com. I wouldn't go looking at it too much at the moment, there is literally nothing there to see.
Its been fun, the student life, writing this blog and the abuse I've received because of it (see the tag board over there) but now its time to move on.
I am quite literally rocking the "housewife causal" look at the moment. Blue Adidas tracksuit bottoms (vintage Sporty Spice circa 1995), a maroon zip up cardigan and slipper socks, all set off with the permanant look on your face that screams " there has to be more to life than this?". I look like someone whose doused themselves in superglue and fallen head first into their local oxfam shop. All I need is a bottle of Babycham and I'd actually be my mother.
It would be a problem if I was actually allowed to leave my house but fortunately I'm being kept imprisoned by my dissertation. Months of wilful neglect have now meant that the bastard thing is in need of some quality time with me and at present things are not going to badly despite the fact its on such a boring and life sapping subject.
I'm on 8000 out of a possilbe 12000 words at the moment and theres no rest until we reach Completion City. Woo-woo. All aboard the work train!
I'm not in tremendously good shape this morning. It dawned on me last night, what with all the hard work I've been putting in recently, coursewise, I've been neglecting a very important part of my life. The sofa. Recently, our time together has simply consisted of a few snatched minutes here and there while I eat my dinner or drink my hot chocolate in the morning before I set off for uni and thats really not enough, not if you really want to cultivate something a bit more deep and meaningful with your sofa, the humbliest of all living room furnishings.
Last night I came in from uni, signed myself off from work for the evening, got a bottle of El' Vino Regrettio in the Mornio' and bunked down on the sofa for the night. We had a ood time , the sofa and I. We drank together (Well I spilt half a glass of my wine on it), we watched TV together and then we slept together, which is why I'm feeling pretty shitty now. I don't know what position I fell asleep in but I woke up about an hour later last night and my neck was killing me. I went to bed and when I woke up this morning it was even worse.
Bastard sofa. You try and do some one a favour and this is how they repay you.
I'm so unmotivated at the moment. I've been trying to type up this section of my disseratation all day and so far I can only manage to summon momentum to write up approximately 50 words at a time. Then I sort of zone out until my attention suddenly snaps back to what it should be focusing on I realise its about 45 minutes later and I've still got loads to do. I've calculated that this means I'm averaging approximately 1.11 words every minute which is quite frankly appalling progress. I reckon I'd probably write more if stuck a pencil between my butt cheeks and just waggled it in the vague direction of the computer keyboard at this rate.
But before I start feeling like a big old failure lets just have a few moments of respectful applause for what I've managed to achieve over the course of the past weekend. Not only have I completed all the tutorial work thats due for this coming week but I've also finished my breast cancer essay (a landmark piece of scientific literature as its the first essay I've ever completed more than 45 minutes before its due to be handed in) the hand in date for which is 4 O'clock on Thursday and I've managed to piss off my housemates Wideload and Newby! The last of these things is quite an achievement considering I've not actually seen either of them for about the last 2 weeks (bad dreams aside).
I'm not actually sure what I've done, but I have a sneaky suspicion it may have something to do with me drinking a bottle and a half of red wine on Friday night, locking the front door, falling into a drink induced coma and not knowing the two of them had gone out and so when they came back they couldn't get in. They knocked on the door, they rang my phone and even tried throwing things at my bedroom window to get me to come down and let them in but I couldn't be stirred. It was only the next day when Essex told me that she had to go and let them in that I knew anything about it.
Whoops! Honestly though its really not my fault. Recently Wideload and Newby have stopped talking to everyone in our house apart from eachother and at a push they'll talk to me if they want something, in this case letting into the house. Usually they don't go out at the same time, therefore when one of them goes out, if the front door gets locked, the other one can open it and let them in. Unfortuntely on Friday, they went out together and because nobody knew they were out, they got locked out. The result of this being they were forced to acknowledge the presence of Essex and apparently they weren't happy about that.
Photographic evidence of a conversation in progress. Look and learn Newby and Wideload, its really not that difficult.
I've hardly spent much time in my house the last few weeks so whats prompted their mute behaviour is beyond my comprehension of thought or my ability to care. I didn't lock them out deliberately but if they want to stop things like Friday night happening again they should just come out and say what their problem is. Otherwise, I'm predicting a lot more late night door knocking for them if they're not careful.
I thought I ordered some rock and/or roll with this subscription to student life?
I'm in a state of suspended animation at the moment (not entirely sure what that means but I read about worms that can exist in a state of it yesterday and the saying has been stuck in my brain ever since, ripe and ready for usage).Got lots of work to do but for one reason or another I can't actually start it at the moment. I've got just over a week to get my dissertation sorted and my supervisor has gone missing (presumed dead when I get hold of him) an essay on breast cancer to write (but first of all it has to be researched before it can be rush-written) and then a tutorial looming somewhere over the horizon thats feeling me with the same amount of dread as the dream I keep having about Wideload. In this dream she's standing at the top of the stairs in my student house and she's drunk and I'm lookng up at her from the hallway below and she'swaying about like an elephant thats been shot with a tranquiliser gun.
This worm is in a state of "suspended animation". Obvious really when you look at it.
And then she starts to fall, slowly at first and then her two bowling balls in a bin bag resembling arse starts gathering momentum and she's headed right for me. I try to run but, whats this? My feet have been replaced by concrete blocks?! Then I either wake up, checking my face for the imprint of arse cheeks or everything goes black. Probably because her (and yes this is the proper latin word for it) Massivious Arseholeous has smoothered me.
So much to do and its all got to be done before the start of Easter next week. Well strictly speaking I don't have to have my dissertation finished until the 25th of April but its in a bit of a state (it keeps crying at me "I'm not good enough for you!" and asking me " Why do you hang around with me? You could have had any topic you liked but you chose to stick with me.I'm dragging you down!". I think its having a crisis of confidence) at the moment and I'd like to have it in some kind of order so I can finish it without fuss over the holiday.
But I can't spend all Easter on it because I have to revise. My life is so dull.
Hot Chocolate: Its more than a drink its a determinant of my future life and happiness.
I'm so bored. I've got to stay in uni all the do dah day today doing compulsary student type stuff. I had a lecture a 9.30, I've got a tutorial at noon for two hours and then I have to do a presentation on amyloid precursor protein processing and the implication of COX enzymes in the effects of which could provide a therapeutic strategy for Alzheimer's Disease prevention at half three. Thrilling stuff eh?
So busy am I today, although not so busy that I can't find time to update this little chunk of cyber-tastic web wonderment, I won't be able to do any of those things that make my life a life thats lived and not just an existance.
For instance, I woke up late this morning so I didn't get time to have my first rejuvenating mug of hot chocolate of the day. As a result the cocoa levels in my body are seriously depleted and I wouldn't be suprised if before I get to finish this sentance.................(oopps sorry about that just leant on the full stop key) I am whisked off to Leicester Royal Infirmary and hospitalised with malnutrition and a lowered core body temperature that corresponds with the exact temperature my morning mug of hot chocolate would be.
This could have potentially devastating conseqences. Hereit states that a fall in body temperature usually coincides with the onset of sleep. I can't be sleepy, I've got too much to do.This can only mean grave things, I'm going to fall asleep somewhere, miss my tutorial and my presentation and be cast out of uni for failing to meet my academic obligations.
By not being able to find the time for my mug of hot chocolate I have unwittlingly failed my degree.
Hmmmm, now I come to think of it, I think there is a clause in the contract of our student house that if you're not actually attending university you are not eligible to live there. So I'm going to be homeless too.
I've also not had time to buy a paper and therefore am not abreast of the days current events. On any other day this wouldn't really be a problem but I'm being turfed out of uni today. I'm going to have to enter the real world and converse with non-students and with no grasp of whats going on in the world what am I going to talk to them about? I'll be a social leper.
When you're with other students you can usually pass the time by not mentioning anything going on outside of campus, the self-centred bunch that we are, because basically we just talk about ourselves a testament to which is this blog. What we did last night, what we're doing tonight, how much work we have to do and so on. There's no place in such discussions to talk about things like Jordan being pregnant or the War in Iraq. But thats what the people on the outside are always talking about.
I'm far more calmer today. I don't hate all people anymore, just some of the people. Especially the girl from "Hitler's Youth" (or the Quiet Patrol as some more kindly people like to call them) who just told me that I can't occupy a computer and read my paper at the same time. Well, thats a blatant lie because I was quite happily doing both until she came along. So it is physically possible. I tried telling her I needed to do both at the same time as I needed to quote the paper I was reading for an essay I was writing on the computer. I'm pretty sure that would have worked had I not had it open on the TV guide page. As you can probably guess I resolved to put my paper away and just use my computer.
Its Mum Bum's birthday this weekend and bloody Mothers Day too. Anyone would think the broad is trying to bankrupt me. I mean how inconsiderate is it of her to line up the two key events of the year where I have to buy her presents so closely together? Next year, mark my words she'll manage to engineer it so Mother's Day and her Birthday all coincide with Christmas. It'll happen, she's a mother, they have ways and means.
Unfortunately, trying to get her a present has gone at all well and I've just ended up buying myself loads of stuff instead. Amazon is a dangerous place. I've bought myself three books (the Rotters' Club, The Closed Cirle and The House of Sleep) two of which I already own but their both at my Brother's house and I want to read them now, an Audio CD of the Mighty Boosh and a new USB disk type thing to save all my work on. I only went on there to order Mum Bum a copy of Bridget Jones' Diary 2 on DVD.
At this rate she might just have to be fobbed off with the fact that I'm going back to see her this weekend and that is a gift enough.
I know what your thinking. My last post was just over a week ago, detailing my excitement about the night out I was having that night and since then you've heard nothing, so therefore some "fate worse than death" event must have befallen me putting me out of action and leaving my typing fingers incapable of operation and the blog consequentially as hungry for updates as a cockmuncher whose had his mouth sewn up. So what happened?
Well, not very much really. I got a bit pissed, saw "the man the legend" Joe Scully and had a frightful attack of the old "Bambi" legs on account of the fact I hit the house specials with abit too much om-pa-pa and afterwards when trying to ascertain a danger-free route to the toilets or the bar my legs kept wanting to go in different directions so I resembled Bambi when he was trying to negotiate the ice. Except, I'm not covered in brown fur, don't have four legs and my Mum was never shot. Actually, better give the last one a bit of time before I close the book on that.
Bambi even pulls a face like me when I'm pissed and discover that the bar is still open for another 3 days. Shock with just a hint of pleasure.
But as you can probably tell nothing really happened to prevent me from updating the site since that night. A couple of things happened that will probably prevent me from going to my tutorials and being able to look a couple of the blokes there in the eye but thats about it, such is my need after I've had a few too many to get to know my fellow course mates a bit better, pour out my life story to them and usually try and get them to read the site. Always seems like such a great idea at the time.
Since then my life has been one big hamster wheel of endless (literally with my last one clocking in at 3 hours long) tutorials, lectures, presentations and marathon bloody dissertation write up sessions. I fucking hate being a third year. It was so much easier being a fresher, only need a poxy 40% to pass the year and there was no shame in getting that because it had absolutely no bearing on your final degree class. Grrrrrr!
I can't actually wait to leave now and I never thought I'd catch myself saying that. I've just had enough of having no money, working all day and then all night to get everything done and I'm just bored. I've got so much stuff I want to do but I can't do any of it until my bloody finals are out the way.
I'm also fed up with people. Not any certain people, just all people. People undermining what I'm doing, people not listening to me, people who won't just let me get on with things, people pushing me, girl people, boy people. All people.
Hopefully, this is just a phase or otherwise I'm going to find myself living up in the hills somewhere on my own away from all the fuckwits just to try and get some peace of mind. Hmmmm......seems pretty appealing from where I'm sat at the moment.
I'm going out. I want the world to know....or just the readers of this blog will do.
Its so sad how excited I am about going out tonight. I keep doing a little jig in my seat in nervous excitation, which is seriously freaking out the bloke sat next to me trying to complete an economics essay. Its not completely unwarrented I suppose. The angle I'm sat on this chair and the moves of my little jig do make it look like I'm trying to hump it, but you know when a girls going through a dry spell anything will do.
I haven't been properly out for ages. By "properly out" I mean, going out to somewhere that actually allows me to wear something other than trainers, jeans and a hoodie, which has been my regulation university attire for the past few weeks. The last time I went "properly out" was the night I lost my glasses (still missing in action).
Christ knows what I'll lose tonight. Hopefully it'll be something that I can be easily replaced, like my self-respect, which usually disappears after the first couple of vodkas only to miracously return the next day when I discover I can't remember anything about the night before so I have no reason to feel ashamed about my antics.
Its just me and Essex out tonight. The rest of my housemates have fucked off home for the weekend, which I can't understand at all when you've got a star of Joe Scully's brightness coming to town. Wideload's still here but no-ones really talking to her at the moment, because she's on one of her "I'm not going to wash for the next week and a half and marinate my generous body proportions in their own filth!" and talking to her when she's in this state is likely to make you start vomiting. Quite violently.
Last time Essex and I were left alone to our own devices was in the first year in halls. I can't really remember what happened other than that we went on a bar crawl on the Friday night and had such a marvellous time we decided to recreate it on the Saturday night and the Sunday night too, resulting in me throwing up on an hourly basis for the whole of Monday. On Tuesday we had to face Barbara the cleaner who used to errr clean our halls, because she was demanding to know who had bought the sign for a local nursing home back to our Halls and left it in our bath. Neither I or Essex could remember doing so it definitely wasn't either of us. Awww good times!
Right, I better hot foot it off to my lecture and then get on with the important business of choosing an outfit for tonight, which bottle of wine to drink before we go and which album of party tunes to play before we go. Kylie or Girls Aloud. What a daft question, its gotta be Kylie its all about the Australian's tonight!
Oh my God! Its no secret that I am a massive Neighbours fan. Both my daily mealtimes (Breakfast is for wimps and those who get up in the morning earlier enough to prepare it) are based around watching the masterpiece of modern Australian broadcasting and if a lecture looks like its going to overun so I can't see it, I'd rather just miss the lecture.
A toss up (not literally) between witnessing the trials and tribulations of Ramsey Street or an hour learning about Cancer Cell Molecular Biology, and Harold and his Chums are going to win every time, except under certain circumstances. E.g. We're being given a lecture from our universally admired, because there is only one in our department, fit lecturer.
Anyway, cutting to the chase. Tonight at the Union its an Aussie Soap Stars theme night and the special guest is the one, the only, the man, the legend- Joe Scully! Neighbours very own Lord Lucan!
Joe Scully- As I live and breathe!
Controversy reigns as to why he's not in the show anymore. Apparently he was sacked and then given a total cop out of a storyline about having to go and care for a sick relative on a farm somewhere as a result. What a load of crap. They should just write it in that he's doing a tour of all the UK universities.